Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ is used Bible verses to justify the Trump administration’s immigration policies.
Sessions wants to split up families that arrive at U.S. borders seeking asylum and separate children from their parents.
Sessions wants to put children in a tent city which is an empty Walmart building in a Texas border town with tents erected outside.
Sessions was quoted as saying: “I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his clear and wise command in Romans 13 to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained them for the purpose of order.”
During a daily press briefing, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked the question:
“Where in the Bible does it say that it’s moral to take children away from their mothers?”
Sarah Huckabee Sanders responded by saying:
“I’m not aware of the attorney general’s comments or what he would be referencing. … I can say that it is very “Biblical” to enforce the law.”
No one in the press corps was sure which Bible she was referring to, but some did suggest it was “The Book of Trump”.
THE BOOK OF TRUMP BIBLE STUDY
Rumor has it that the New York Times has confirm that Huckabee-Sanders was referring to is the White House “Book of Trump”.
Huckabee-Sanders was leading a “Book of Trump” Bible study class with 5 others at the Red Hen restaurant in Lexington, VA when she was told to leave because she worked for Trump.
During the commotion to leave, she left her autographed copy of the “Book of Trump” in the restaurant.
Confidential sources have confirmed President Donald Trump did indeed pen the “Book of Trump” that lists the Trump “ten commandments”.
The New York Times is confident he wrote the “Book of Trump” because the 10 commandments are in his handwriting and written alternating in orange tanning solution and yellow hair dye.
Confidential sources are also reporting there are White House Bible study sessions on the “Book of Trump” ten commandments.
The Book of Trump Ten Commandments are:
1st TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou shall have no other Gods before Trump.
The one and only person allowed to teach this Bible Study course is Trump himself because he believes he is God. Attendees are having a hard time reading the “Book of Trump” on the morals he teaches because it is full of blank pages, white out, eraser marks and smears of the “special sauce” from McDonalds used on Bic Macs.
2nd TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Make False Idols That Are Not Trump.
Rumor is all White House staff carry 3-inch gold plated statues of Trump with “small hands” that they are required to worship each day. No other idols are allowed in the White House. Rudy Giuliani leads the Bible study on this commandment for a small fee of $1,000 per hour asking his money be funneled through the Michael Cohen law firm. While Giuliani lectures, Trump himself stands in front of the mirror saying prayers to himself while eating Big Mac cheese burgers in the private quarters, all the while FOX News provides a backdrop on TV.
3rd TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Take The Name Of Lord Trump Your God In Vain.
Former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson use to teach this Bible study class until he was fired by Trump while Trump sat on a toilet because Tillerson referred to Trump as a “moron”. Chief of Staff John Kelly took over, but his position is in doubt after denying he called Trump an “idiot”. John Bannon is said to be thinking about applying for the opening once Kelly is fired.
4th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Remember the Sabbath Day, To Keep It Holy, Unless Every Day Is The Sabbath.
Every day at the White House is the sabbath day to worship Donald Trump. This Bible study class has been cancelled until further notice from the President.
5th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Honor Your Father Trump and Your Step Mother.
Eric Trump, Ivanka Trump and Donald Trump Jr. are all having a difficult time finding any real father to teach this commandment. However, there are many mothers that can be found in the Republican Congress who refuse to denounce the actions of their chosen one.
6th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Kill, Unless You Are President Trump.
This Trump Commandment has its Biblical origins from when Trump said “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters.” Michael Cohen, the president’s fixer, continues to teach this Book of Trump Commandment until he is indicted for taking anyone out at Trump’s order to fix a problem. President of the National Rifle Association Wayne La Pierre offers a substitute Bible class for credit entitled “People Kill People Not Assault Rifles”.
7th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery, Unless You Have A Prenuptial.
Stormy Daniels teaches this White House Bible Study class using a large number of rough drafts from Trump’s previous marriage engagements. Daniels is said to have at least 3 original prenuptial agreements Trump has signed from his previous marriages to use and quote during the Bible study. Stormy Daniels is also said to use a pole as she spins around answering any and all questions during the Bible study class.
8th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Steal And Not Say It Is A Campaign Donation.
Paul Manafort, Trump’s former campaign manager, was teaching this Bible study session until he was thrown in jail for witness tampering. As a backup, the White House has asked over 3,000 students of Trump University to teach this commandment. However, there are no takers with all awaiting refunds from the settlement in the fraud lawsuit filed against Trump.
9th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Lie, But Make Sure You Lie When You Get Caught.
The only ones that are allowed to teach this bible study are Russian President Vladimir Putin, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Kellyanne Conway. President Trump has a lifetime being excused from attending this bible study class in that he tweets lies every single day.
10th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Covet What Is Trumps.
Kim Jung-Un and President Donald Trump are trying decide who will lead this Bible study class as they awaite word who gets the “Nobel Peace Prize”. Rumor is that two awards have already been cast in radioactive “yellow cake” by the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, one in the shape of “LITTLE BOY” and the other in the shape of “FATMAN”. (Least anyone forget, “Little Boy” and “Fat Man” are the nicknames given to the two atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Japan that ended World War II.) The Nobel Prize committee is said to be conflicted as to who gets the “FAT MAN” trophy and who gets the “LITTLE MAN” trophy calling it the closest call they have ever had in recent history making the awards. The Nobel Committee is hoping to take the measurements of Kim’s and Trump’s hands as a tie breaker.
CONCLUSION
The Bible study classes continue to shrink at the White House as each day passes and Trump continues to fire his cabinet members.
President Trump was last seen sitting on floor of the White House Ballroom all by himself mumbling to himself “Blessed are the fools who believe in making America great again”.
Trump was sitting on the floor as he was being measured for a strait jacket emblazoned with the Presidential Seal as he clutched a personalized autograph photo of Richard Nixon with the words “You are the crook!”