Ten Commandments Written In Orange Tanning Solution

Posted on by

DATELINE: LEXINGTON, VIRGINIA

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders disclosed to the press that on a Friday night she was asked to leave a small Lexington, Virginia restaurant known as the Red Hen.

Huckabee Sanders claimed she was at the restaurant for a nice evening dinner out with her husband and 4 of their friends.

Huckabee-Sanders claimed the Red Hen’s owner asked her to leave because of her role publicly defending President Donald Trump’s policies including a ban on transgender people serving in the military and forced separations of families caught crossing illegally at the U.S.-Mexican border.

Sanders said she and her husband “politely left” after the owner asked her to leave.

Soon after Sanders shared her side of the incident during a White House press briefing, President Trump jumped to her defense on twitter saying:

“The Red Hen Restaurant should focus more on cleaning its filthy canopies, doors and windows (badly needs a paint job) rather than refusing to serve a fine person like Sarah Huckabee Sanders.”

Confidential sources with the Washington Post and the New York Times are reporting that White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders was in fact asked to leave by the owner the restaurant because she was leading a Bible study class with the other 5.

It was reported that the Bible group became a disruption to the other clientele in the restaurant, the owner felt he had no choice but to ask her to leave the premises.

The owner of the restaurant was quoted as saying:

“It was the strangest thing I ever seen in all the years I have owned my restaurant. To the shock and dismay of all my other clientele and employees in the restaurant, this group of six lead by Huckabee-Sanders stood up, swaying their arms and hands in the air while chanting “I believe in the Trump Almighty” and “In the Donald we trust”.

When asked to show proof of what happened, the restaurant owner said that in all the commotion to leave, Huckabee Sanders left and autograph book of “The Art of The Deal” that was being used as a Bible for study.

The book left by Huckabee-Sanders had written in it “The Trump Ten Commandments”.

The Trump 10 Commandments are in Trumps own handwriting and written in orange tanning solution mixed with bright yellow hair dye.

Confidential sources for The New York Times and Washington Post have also confirmed that White House insiders are claiming regular Bible Study courses are also being conducted at the White House on the Trump 10 Commandments.

The Trump Ten Commandments are reported to be:

1st TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou shall have no other Gods before Trump.

The one and only person allowed to teach this Bible Study course is Trump himself because he believes he is God. Attendees are having a hard time reading their autograph copies of the “The Art of the Deal” because all the pages are stuck together with smears of the “special sauce” from McDonalds used on Big Macs.

2nd TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Make False Idols That Are Not Trump.

White House sources who decline to be identified claim all White House staff carry 3-inch gold plated statues of Trump with “small hands” that they are required to worship each day. No other idols are allowed in the White House. Rudy Giuliani has lead this Bible study on this commandment for a small fee of $1,000 per hour asking his money be funneled through the Michael Cohen law firm. While Giuliani lectures, Trump himself stands in front of the mirror saying prayers to himself while eating Big Mac cheese burgers in the private quarters, all the while FOX News provides a backdrop on TV.

3rd TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Take The Name Of Lord Trump Your God In Vain.

Former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson use to teach this class until he was fired by Trump while Trump sat on a toilet because Tillerson referred to Trump as a “moron”. Chief of Staff John Kelly took over, but his position is in doubt after denying he called Trump an “idiot”. John Bannon is said to be thinking about applying for the opening once Kelly is fired.

4th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Remember the Sabbath Day, To Keep It Holy, Unless Every Day Is The Sabbath.

This Bible study class has been cancelled until further notice from the President in that in his eyes every day at the White House is the sabbath day to worship Donald Trump.

5th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Honor Your Father Trump and Your Step Mother.

Eric Trump, Ivanka Trump and Donald Trump Jr. are all trying to teach First Lady Melania Trump this commandment but she keeps using the old notebooks from the three former Mrs. Trumps.

6th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Kill, Unless You Are President Trump.

This Trump Commandment has its origins from when Trump said “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters.” Michael Cohen, the president’s fixer, continues to teach this commandment until he is indicted for taking anyone out at Trump’s order to fix a problem. President of the National Rifle Association Wayne La Pierre offers a substitute class for credit entitled “People Kill People Not Assault Rifles”.

7th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery, Unless You Have A Really Good Prenuptial.

Stormy Daniels teaches this commandment class using over 3,000 rough drafts of confidentiality agreements Trump has used to settle all his affairs. Daniels is said to also use at least 3 original prenuptial agreements Trump has signed from his previous marriages. Stormy Daniels is also said to use a pole as she spins around answering any and all questions during the class.

8th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Steal And Not Say It Is A Campaign Donation.

Paul Manafort, Trump’s former campaign manager, was teaching this class until he was thrown in jail for witness tampering. As a backup, the White House has asked over 3,000 students of Trump University to teach this commandment. However, there are no takers with all awaiting refunds from the settlement in the fraud lawsuit filed against Trump.

9th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Lie, But Make Sure You Lie When You Get Caught.

The only ones that are allowed to teach this bible study are Russian President Vladimir Putin, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Kellyanne Conway contingent on their availability.

10th TRUMP COMMANDMENT: Thou Shall Not Covet What Is Trumps.

Kim Jong-Un and President Donald Trump are trying decide who will lead this study class as they await word who gets the “Nobel Peace Prize”. Rumor is that two awards have already been cast in radioactive “yellow cake” by the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, one in the shape of “LITTLE BOY” and the other in the shape of “FATMAN”. (Least anyone forget, “Little Boy” and “Fat Man” are the nicknames given to the two atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Japan that ended World War II.) The Nobel Prize committee is said to be conflicted as to who gets the “FAT MAN” trophy and who gets the “LITTLE MAN” trophy calling it the closest call they have ever had in recent history making the awards. The Nobel Committee is hoping to take the measurements of Kim’s and Trump’s hands as a tie breaker.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders was last seen leaving the White House followed by 25 secret Service agents all carrying White House carry-out bags going to the nearest McDonald’s.

This is a continuing story and further reports will be made as the White House tweets continue.

DISCLAIMER: FOR THOSE WHO TEND TO BELIEVE ANYTHING ON FACEBOOK AND THE INTERNET THEY READ, THE ABOVE NEWS RELEASE IS NOT TO BE CONSIDERED ANYTHING RELATED TO THE TRUTH.

This entry was posted in Opinions by . Bookmark the permalink.

About

Pete Dinelli was born and raised in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He is of Italian and Hispanic descent. He is a 1970 graduate of Del Norte High School, a 1974 graduate of Eastern New Mexico University with a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration and a 1977 graduate of St. Mary's School of Law, San Antonio, Texas. Pete has a 40 year history of community involvement and service as an elected and appointed official and as a practicing attorney in Albuquerque. Pete and his wife Betty Case Dinelli have been married since 1984 and they have two adult sons, Mark, who is an attorney and George, who is an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT). Pete has been a licensed New Mexico attorney since 1978. Pete has over 27 years of municipal and state government service. Pete’s service to Albuquerque has been extensive. He has been an elected Albuquerque City Councilor, serving as Vice President. He has served as a Worker’s Compensation Judge with Statewide jurisdiction. Pete has been a prosecutor for 15 years and has served as a Bernalillo County Chief Deputy District Attorney, as an Assistant Attorney General and Assistant District Attorney and as a Deputy City Attorney. For eight years, Pete was employed with the City of Albuquerque both as a Deputy City Attorney and Chief Public Safety Officer overseeing the city departments of police, fire, 911 emergency call center and the emergency operations center. While with the City of Albuquerque Legal Department, Pete served as Director of the Safe City Strike Force and Interim Director of the 911 Emergency Operations Center. Pete’s community involvement includes being a past President of the Albuquerque Kiwanis Club, past President of the Our Lady of Fatima School Board, and Board of Directors of the Albuquerque Museum Foundation.